Forty Years of Guilt

It is truly heartbreaking to hear so many say that “God punishes.” But it is indeed the reality here. Meet Eusebia an older lady who lives in our little caserio. She is a regular here at Santa Maria Magdalena’s Home, and my son Gabriel and I have been getting to know her a bit more lately.

On one of our visits to her home where she runs a small bodega, she shared with me that my blue eyes, light skin, and light hair reminded her of her daughter because her daughter had been born with colored eyes and a light complexion which is very rare here in Peru but does happen in the mountain regions. I thought that was so sweet until I saw the tears coming from her eyes and learned that such memories brought her great sadness about losing her daughter so many years ago. She explained to me that her daughter died when she was only two years old.

When I carefully asked how she died she told me, “She died because God punished me.” I gently asked why she thought God punished her by taking her daughter, and she said that it was because she had stopped going to Church for a few months after she gave birth to her daughter. She said, “God was angry with me for leaving the Catholic Church and punished me by taking my daughter’s life.”

My heart just sank for so many reasons. One is for the fact that we just celebrated Eusebia’s 65th birthday as a community here at Santa Maria Magdalena’s Home. And to know that she has been living with such pain and unwarranted guilt about her daughter’s death for over forty years is just so heartbreaking. Secondly, my heart sank because this is the reality here—so many have a misunderstanding of the truth, which prevents them from experiencing the love and mercy of Jesus. Instead, they have been given man’s twisted account, which is far from the truth we find in the Bible.

This confusion is so immensely full of despair. If the majority of the poor feel that God punishes and lays down traps and tempts them throughout life, then who can they turn to for help, mercy, love, and forgiveness? So many I meet and pray with feel that they are condemned and have a great fear of God. These lies and mistruths keep them bound and prevent them from falling into the arms of our Lord Jesus who died on the cross in order to save sinners like us. The fear and the belief that God strikes one down or takes one’s daughter, son, or other relative because of the sins one commits is just so against who God is. But it is a very common ideology of the people we serve.

When we turn to the Bible in search of the truth, we can find that God is all-knowing (John 3:20). We also know that He loved us so much that He sent Jesus His only Son to die on the cross for our sins (John 3:16,1 Peter 3:18-20). Jesus’s death demonstrates the perfect love and mercy which He has for every human being. It is far from a demonstration of fury, hatred, rage, and condemnation. Saint Paul encourages us to remember that “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

And let us always remember that we are human and we fall short of the mark every day. But we must take comfort in knowing that we may take refuge in Jesus no matter how it is that we fall short. And there is no better example of this truth than in the words of Saint Paul: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. I myself am the greatest of these. But for that very reason I was treated mercifully, so that in me Jesus Christ might exhibit his inexhaustible patience, making me an example for those who would come to believe in him for eternal life” (1 Timothy 1:15-16).

So, we ask of you all to please pray for our sweet friend Eusebia that she will come to know the merciful love of our Father and of His Son Jesus Christ. And please pray for my son Gabriel and me, that we may be loving servants of Our Lord, and that somehow we may become true vessels of His love and mercy to all those we encounter.