Before You Were Formed

Not long after arriving back in Costa Rica, we took an afternoon to swim at our local family-favorite pool, Las Palmitas. Nothing was special about that particular day, except for the fact that a birthday party was happening there, so it was more crowded than usual. As we were doing our own thing, we were approached by a lady who overheard us speaking English to one another and started asking us questions (also in English). “Where are you from? Do you live here? How long have you been here?” Then came all the typical reactions we get when we tell people we are Catholic missionaries and that we live here in Santa Rosa. She introduced herself as Bely and told us she previously worked as a flight attendant for an airline in Costa Rica, which is how she learned some English. She pointed to her 10-year-old daughter Ari, who was happily swimming with other family members from the party. Then she told us that they live on her parents’ farm, and she invited us to visit one day to see their cows and pigs. We excitedly exchanged numbers and then agreed to text each other so that we could schedule something.

About a month later, we had arranged a day to visit their farm. We drove out to the quaint pueblo only a few kilometers away from our house and excitedly anticipated what the day would bring. Bely, Ari, and Bely’s parents greeted us at the door and welcomed us with open arms. We visited with them for a while, then they took us out to the barn to show us the animals. Zach tried his hand at milking the cows…Don Berto made it look incredibly easy! The kids slowly warmed up to Ari, and soon they were playing together in and out of the house. Bely explained that much of what they eat comes straight from their farm—the milk, cheese, eggs, pork, beans, sugarcane, and a plethora of fresh fruits from their trees. Dona Paz offered to feed us breakfast, and while cooking, also showed us the process of how the cheese is made. It was full immersion into this beautiful culture, and we were soaking up every minute of it.

After eating our farm-fresh breakfast, Dona Paz and Don Berto’s curiosity about why we are here started to burst at the seams. We shared our testimony with them about hearing God’s call to sell everything to preach the Gospel and serve the poor in foreign lands. They genuinely were so honored and humbled that we came to their home country to minister to their people. In their lifetime, they had never met Catholic missionaries before, nor had they ever welcomed native English speakers into their home.

A few moments later, Don Berto pulled out a guitar that looked like it had seen decades worth of memories. Dona Paz asked us if we had ever heard the Spanish song “Antes que te Formares” (which translates to “Before You Were Formed”) while handing me a small pocketbook of Spanish praise songs. It was not a song that either Zach or I had heard before, so Don Berto started to play it, and their whole family sang along. It had a strikingly beautiful tune! Bely kept reiterating that we should look up the lyrics in English so that we could understand the meaning of the words, so together we pulled up the lyrics. Here is the translation:

Before you were formed inside your mother’s womb,
before you were born, I knew you and consecrated you.
I knew you and consecrated you to be my prophet.
I chose you from the nations, you will go where I send you
and what I command you will proclaim.
I have to shout; I have to risk. Woe to me if I don’t!
How to escape from you, how not to speak if your voice burns inside me.
I have to walk; I have to fight. Woe to me if I don’t!
How to escape from you, how not to speak if your voice burns inside me.
Do not be afraid to risk, because I will be with you.
Do not be afraid to announce me, because I will speak through your mouth.
Today I entrust you with my people.
To uproot and tear down, to build up. You will destroy and plant.
Leave your brothers. Leave your father and mother.
Abandon your home, because the land is crying out.
Bring nothing with you, because I will be by your side.
It’s time to fight, because my people are suffering.

Before we visited with Bely and her family, unbeknownst to them, we had been feeling very discouraged. Mission life, even with all its beauty, had left us feeling homesick, misunderstood, exhausted, and at times defeated. Some days, after wiping the sweat off our bodies for the hundredth time, all we can show for ourselves is a hard day’s work of parenting our kids, cooking meals, and washing laundry and dishes by hand. It is challenging to try to get to know people here without either being taken advantage of, misconceived, or looked at like we have money growing out of our eyeballs. We long for relationships where the barriers of language don’t inhibit us from real vulnerability. That particular week, I felt awfully homesick. 

My “baby” cousin was graduating from high school, and we were missing it. 
Some other cousins revealed the gender of their first child. 
Zach’s grandmother celebrated her 80th birthday. 
Another family member was grieving the anniversary of her infant’s death. 
We missed our two nieces’ birthday parties. 

And because I took my eyes off of the Lord for a second, I allowed the enemy to sweep in and persuade me of this untruth—Layni, you are missing out. What are you even doing here? You aren’t making a difference, you’re only making a fool of yourself.

After Bely and her family sang this beautiful song, they began speaking about how even though we are natives of different countries, with different cultures, languages, and backgrounds, we are still a family as brothers and sisters in Christ. They commended us, recognizing the real challenge it must be for us to leave all behind, but also affirming us for our courage. They even acknowledged how every day we are giving up moments and memories with our own families and friends in the U.S. to be here with theirs. They thanked us with profound humility for that sacrifice. We were brought to tears by their encouragement. It was truly a moment we will never forget, and it touched our hearts in a way that is difficult to put into words.

We left their house that day glossy-eyed, inspired, and compelled to contemplate their words more deeply. Every day in my prayer time, God would bring me back to the lyrics and title of that song. Before you were formed. God knew exactly the path we would choose for our family and exactly its difficulties and sacrifices. He knew the frustration, exhaustion, overwhelm, and feelings of being misunderstood. He knew the risk. And yet, before we were formed, He chose us to proclaim His name to the nations. Woe to us if we don’t! Please continue to pray for us in our mission. And pray that we may never forget this profound truth again.