Go First to Jesus

“On the first day of the week Mary Magdalene came to the tomb” (John 20:1). 

These opening words captured my attention as I began to read from the Gospel passage. St. Mary Magdalene had just lost Jesus. She had seen the One whom she had loved, walked personally with, and in whom she had put her hope, crucified. In the depth of her grief and vulnerable to the uncertainties of the future, however, she did not wait, but fled immediately, uncertainties, sorrow, shock and all, to Jesus. With many emotions and incapable of glimpsing what was to come, she went with the first waking breaths of her week to be near Jesus. The passage then states that, “it was still dark,” yet that did not stop her. She did not wait until she could see perfectly, but went with her entire being to where she knew our Lord to be.

Having recently moved to my first mission post, General Cepeda, Mexico, and experiencing a wide range of thoughts and emotions, I knew as I read this that the Lord was inviting me, like St. Mary Magdalene, to bring my whole, authentic self to Him. He wanted me to turn to Him first, to spend my initial efforts bringing everything into the light of His face, even the things that to me still seemed obscure. What better light to illuminate my heart and dispel the shadows of my fears than His?

While life in Mexico has been a tremendous blessing and I am so grateful for the call to serve here, transitioning to a new culture and lifestyle has, unsurprisingly, come with challenges as well. Learning a new language and continually processing and acclimating to new ways of life has caused me to continually run into my own limitations. Things that I could do in my own culture without much thought, such as finding a store to get adult size scissors, subconsciously knowing what causes which noises (and which ones are normal), appropriately responding to colloquial greetings, turning off the water to help with a house repair, or knowing where to find food for a lost rabbit neighboring children gave you to take care of under the impression it was yours, require much more thought and energy as I relearn them in a new country.

Other daily concerns, thoughts, and emotions do not pause for transition, but sometimes seem heightened in the new environment. These many factors compile and have made me realize more and more my human limitations and my need for rest, which can be frustrating. Thankfully, though, the Lord’s invitation, as He has reminded me through this passage and others, is not to wrestle in weariness alone, but to bring it all to Him and draw closer to Jesus in my littleness.

I have also had the opportunity of being present to some new acquaintances in challenging situations, lending a listening ear and assistance where appropriate. I am grateful for this opportunity, and it has been an honor, but also is heavy at times and not something I could carry without Jesus (and He does not want me to try to)! Instead, His invitation is to bring it to Him, even and especially, while it is still dark, and I cannot see the path forward.

While I do not know what the coming months will bring, what I need to learn, or how the Lord will work, I know He has a plan and He is always present. I am called, as is everyone, to bring my whole self authentically to Him on the “first days” and moments of every situation and circumstance, like St. Mary Magdalene, and to trust Him with the rest. I encourage you to start to bring all things, little and big, to Jesus and see how He will work!