Open-Handed

Watching my oldest restring his baseball glove, as his younger brother looks on, sweaty after throwing a few balls to their father in our luscious front yard, I think to myself, “Dang. I’m gonna miss this so much.” I am supposed to write this blog before Sunday, and to be honest, it has taken me two months to even get a paragraph down, so I’m not sure this will make the deadline.

My husband is so beautiful and patient. He knows that whatever material thing we have, it is ultimately up for grabs to the person who can convince me he/she needs it most. We have literally given everything away, and we continue to give what we receive, only to see God replenish it way more than what we gave in the first place. This is pretty easy with any material thing we own, but it’s super difficult to detach from people and places. In fact, I can get downright resistant and emotionally desperate when transitions happen.

CJ is graduating from high school and has decided not to continue in missions. He is ready to work and live a simple life in the States. Last October, on a discernment retreat, he asked us to go back with him to help him get settled. Of course, we agreed, with prayer confirming it. We informed leadership that our time in the States during our July visit would be a little extended this year. We just didn’t know for how long. Family Missions Company responded by strongly encouraging us to take a sabbatical season for at least six months to a year. They are implementing what they call a “Home Assignment.” The objective of this season is to reconnect with our benefactors, share what God has done in our time abroad, and rest in Jesus before heading out again in the field. This is similar to Paul and Barnabas in Acts when they went back to Antioch (14:28). 

If not carefully intentional about rest, there can be strong burnout and no longevity. Since our time with Family Missions Company, we have observed leadership learn to make their missionaries stay healthy and strong more and more, so they are encouraging this option to those who are in the field every three to five years. This time just happens to be our “three-year mark”. FMC is also hosting a Summit in October (missionary month) in Rome and asked that we attend. We were also given a list of suggested “coaches” to help guide us in this process, if we chose to accept the offer.

At first, we didn’t think we needed such a long time away from the field because we already come back twice a year. However, after lots of prayer, “nudges” (a.k.a. signs from the Lord), and discussion with each other, member care, and spiritual direction, we decided to go ahead…but for now, we believe not for an entire year. We have decided, if it is God’s will, of course, that it will be until next January or February. This does not mean we stop being full-time missionaries; it just means it will look a little different. 

Most of you know us enough to know that we do not sit very still, so when we were discerning who would be best to “coach” us, we chose Steve from Barnabas International. Having been a veteran foreign missionary for twenty years, and telling us what we needed to hear, not necessarily what we wanted, we felt that this guy could really lead us best spiritually. He told us we needed rest. Life-giving rest in the Lord. He reassured us, backing it up with Scripture, that rest was good. Good enough for God the Father (Gen. 2:2-3), Jesus (Mark 6:31, Matt. 11:28 & 14:23, Luke 5:16, John 4:6), and of course his missionaries, like Paul and Barnabas (Acts 14:28). Obviously, it is extremely important, and not easy for us Americans. Sometimes when we don’t rest with the Father, we end up thinking everything depends upon us. And like Simon the Zealot in The Chosen (Season 2, Episode 5), dumbfounded when the dagger is thrown into the lake. Simon brought to Jesus everything he had to offer, and Jesus made him realize that it was nothing Simon could offer that Jesus wanted, except for himself. He would still be used, as will we, just differently than how he thought. Simon had to spend time with Jesus to figure that out.

Although it is super difficult letting go of this time and space as a family of five, we are truly excited to be there for CJ and honored for him to even ask us to walk alongside him in the first place. With experience of keeping our hands open and surrendering everything to God, we know great and marvelous wonders are awaiting all of us, and that’s pretty exciting too.