The Holy Father’s Intentions: For Anyone Who Has Lost A Child

In the beginning of November, Catholics celebrate All Saints Day and also remember dear family and friends who have gone before us on All Souls’ Day.

The remembrance of souls who we hold near and dear to our hearts, as well as the holiday season approaching, can be a difficult time for many—a hard reminder that some of our absolute favorite people are no longer with us.

This All Souls’ Day I will be remembering my two grandmothers, Ruth and Dolores, as well as my grandpa, Kenneth. On my husband’s side, we will honor the lives of both of his grandmothers and grandfathers—particularly his grandma, Maria Estefana, who recently passed.

But there is a grief that is particularly unimaginable; that is, the loss of a child. Though death, in all forms and ages can be very difficult, no one would ever want to conceive the thought of outliving their own son or daughter.

In our own unique way, my husband and I understand this pain and heartache through the experience of miscarriage. Unfortunately, women and married couples suffer from miscarriages more often than you would probably expect. In three years of marriage, my husband and I have lost two babies. The overwhelming sadness reached a level I had never known before, and the confusion as to why both times was deafening. By our second loss, I experienced what felt like isolation from many of the friends around us and a deep loneliness that was too difficult to name. It felt like no one understood.

For those of you who have lost someone close to you, in particular your own child, I am sure you know of this loneliness. The silent suffering behind closed doors for a time seemed so unfair and cruel. It was during those exact moments deep in the trenches of grief that I knew one woman in particular who would understand—Our Blessed Mother, Our Lady of Sorrows, Mama Mary.

When all my body could muster were tears, I knew Mary was shedding those tears too. When all I felt was nothing and just mere numbness, I knew Mary must have had those moments too. When I was angry and questioned God, I knew she was holding my hand. When I had to deliver those babies to Heaven, I knew Mary understood the physical pain of watching her own Son dying on the Cross.

These things are painful and difficult to talk about, and honestly, there isn’t really a “solution” to moving through grief. All I know and have learned for myself is that my prayers, pain, heartache, darkness, and anger were met with tenderness, empathy, embraces, tears, and utter compassion by the one woman in the whole entire universe who understood these things even greater than myself, Mary.

This month of November, Pope Francis’ monthly intention is: For anyone who has lost a child—We pray that all parents who mourn the loss of a son or daughter find support in their community and receive peace and consolation from the Holy Spirit.

To the woman, Mother Mary, who understood it all, may you accompany all those who have lost a child, and may you shine the light of your Son through every crevice of hopelessness. Amen!