“I Have Nothing To Live For”

Two days after our return to Haiti, Bibi showed up. I couldn’t go see him. I wanted nothing to do with him. I let my husband handle it. Bibi had been in a horrible motorcycle accident while driving under the influence. The entire right side of his face was torn open as well as his mouth and large spots on his arm and shoulder. He came to us in severe pain and in need of help purchasing the antibiotics the hospital had prescribed him.

My friend Sarah, a fellow missionary and nurse, was visiting for a couple weeks. We could see that Bibi’s face was severely infected and we knew we had to help him. I realized that I still had not forgiven Bibi, so the idea of allowing him back into my life seemed impossible.

Bibi used to be a very close friend. But over the course of last year he stole from us, lied to us, used us, and threatened someone in our home with a machete. We also found out that he had been drinking and smoking marijuana daily. His life had spun out of control. After a couple months we quit seeing Bibi altogether and heard that he was continuing to live the same lifestyle.

Nevertheless, Sarah and I spent two to three hours every day over the course of the next week scrubbing, cleaning, and dressing his wounds. By the end of that week we were seeing no improvement and began to see signs of the infection spreading into the bones of the face. We knew that he must be sent to the hospital run by the Missionaries of Charity.

We sat Bibi down and explained to him that due to hospital rules he must find someone to go with him and that if he didn’t find someone IMMEDIATELY, he would die.

“It doesn’t matter if I die. I have nothing to live for.”

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Sure, I was angry and he had hurt us, but this was not okay. We told him that he had a reason to live and that God had a purpose for him and loved him.

Bibi went and searched for someone for the entire afternoon and could not find a single person. I couldn’t imagine what it must have felt like to be totally alone, not a single person in your life willing to help you.

With some persuasion, the sisters still accepted him but I was sure he’d leave the hospital and disappear from our lives once again.

Two weeks later we got the call that he was released and coming back home. He sat my husband and I down and told us how his time with the Sisters had changed his life and he desired sobriety.

I knew he was just trying to manipulate us again. I had to protect my heart. I couldn’t possibly endure that pain and hurt again. My husband thought he deserved a second chance. I didn’t. But after A LOT of praying, I reluctantly agreed.

We started by beginning the 12-step program (based on our internet research and NO experience). Dave got extremely busy and I had to start meeting with Bibi alone. Each day I pushed through as quickly as possible just to get it over with. Tired of working through our “list” of things, one evening I had an inspiration to just ask him about his life. I realized that I knew very few things about him. For over an hour, he poured out his heart, sharing the devastating details of neglect, abandonment, abuse, and his 10 year imprisonment from the age of 15.

For the next week, he continued to share his life with me. I started to look forward to our time together and felt my heart beginning to change. I realized that I didn’t see him anymore as the guy who stole from, lied to, and used us. I started to see him as the sad, scared, and hurt person he was: a boy who never felt loved and who was never cared for as he should have been. My heart hurt for him. And through that hurt, it began to heal.

Bibi and I now meet together every day working through a program called Celebrate Recovery (a biblical based 12 step program). Bibi is a different man and I am a different woman. Through Bibi’s transformation, the Lord has transformed me. He has helped me open my heart again and shown me the beauty of forgiveness. He has given me exactly what I needed when I needed it – a second chance.

Please pray for Bibi and his continued sobriety!