I have stuffed all my belongings into two pieces of luggage, and there are eight days till I move to Taiwan. Each time I say those words my stomach does a little somersault. I am so excited but at the same time nervous. Immediately though, this quote comes to mind: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”
I cannot deny that there is a certain amount of fear in moving across the globe into this unfamiliar life of a missionary. This week I realized I need to embrace this fear, to accept it and recognize that this fear is my reminder of my need for Jesus – my reminder of my smallness, my humanness, and my reminder that I must cling more and more to Christ each day. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear” (John 4:18). His perfect love gives me peace amidst the chaos, light in the darkness, and strength in place of my weakness. It is His perfect love that has got me to this very moment. His perfect love that reminds me over and over again that Jesus is worth it, that this missionary cause is worth it, and that my life is worth and worthy of His cause.
In saying goodbye to my family and friends, I am reminded of all the blessings in my life. I am so moved by the love and support of my friends and family. Yet, the readings this week teach me what Christian living really is. It means to choose following Jesus above my own fallen nature and desires. It means accepting things for what they are and not what I’d prefer them to be. It means loving Christ first and foremost; listening for his voice and meditating on His word; and doing the good, but sometimes hard, things in life, like leaving behind loved ones and moving to Asia!
“Do not love the world or the things in the world. The love of the Father is not in those who love the world; for all that is in the world—the desire of the flesh, the desire of the eyes, the pride in riches—comes not from the Father but from the world. And the world and its desires are passing away, but those who do the will of God live forever” (1 John 2:15).
All this being said, I am ready to move to Taiwan. I’m ready to love, and serve, and bring the amazing gift of Jesus Christ to my brothers and sisters there. I am ready, knowing I have to die to self everyday, knowing that above all I am being called to be radically in tune with the Holy Spirit, called to listen to His prompting and His will, called to choose CHRIST first, above everything else. No matter what the future holds, I’m confident in the love of Christ. I’m confident in His goodness. I’m confident that only with God as the center of my life is all this possible.
Jesus, you are beautiful!
I pray all of humanity draws nearer to the heart of Jesus in this new year. May we give Him our yes in the hard things. Above and before all, that is where our faith lies!!
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